


Delicate

by wonderlandrambles



Series: Stonesford. [1]
Category: England Football Team - Fandom, Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-08 23:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17395385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandrambles/pseuds/wonderlandrambles
Summary: John Stones’ life is at crossroads and is unsure of the direction. What will happen when his friendships with Jordan Pickford and Kyle Walker are way more complicated and deeper then he ever thought possible?





	1. I’ve been quiet for so long...

Delicate. 

 

Chapter One: I’ve Been Quiet For So Long - 

I'd rather be a lover than a fighter.  
Cause all my life, I've been fighting. 

—  
He watched as she left, whilst holding a cup of much needed strong coffee. No milk. He had a thing for drinking dairy. He just preferred not to have it. 

Her make up was smudged. Black liner and mascara under her eyes. Her clothes winkled. She turned to him to say something but stopped. He couldn’t even remember her fucking name. Brittany? Bethany? Brianne? 

‘Fucks sake, man, pull yourself together’ he thought to himself and sighed. 

She paused to trying to speak again but stopped again. She left. He had literally become his worse nightmare. 

He sighed again and walked towards the living room, throwing himself down on the sofa, switching on the news. Some news about an explosion in Paris, some local news about yet another sex offender in the area and a missing child. Fuck, it was only a few days into 2019 and there were already missing children? 

‘What was her name this time, John?’ he turned and saw his mum. He shrugged and looked back at the television. 

‘You can’t hide out here. I would love for you to stay here but you gotta go back to Manchester, darling’ she replied, walking towards her. 

‘Why? There is paparazzi everywhere and girls looking for their ten minutes of fame by sleeping with me - or not. Lies sell just as much these day’ 

‘And what was the girl just left then?’ 

‘That’s the good thing about Barnsley. People know who I am but they don’t give a shit about that. I’m still one of their own’ he said, matter of fact like. 

‘Language, John. You might be a big footballer now but in this house, you’re still my son’ 

She was right. He had not been just John for a while. He was now John Stones, defender of Manchester City FC and the England national team. He stood up and walked over his mum. She had sacrificed so much for him whilst he was growing up. He wanted to do nothing more but to make her proud. 

‘I’m sorry, Mum’ he kissed her on the cheek. 

‘It’s okay, I know you’re just going through a rough patch. You will be alright though’ she replied, with a small smile. 

‘I hope so, I really do’ he gently squeezed her arm and walked towards his room. 

Once he was in his room, he checked his phone. He has numerous text messages. From his manager, threatening to bench him for the next three games if he didn’t get back to Manchester as soon as possible, a girl called Georgia from three nights previous ready for round two and then some of teammates both of City and England. 

From: Vincent Kompany 

Do not keep ignoring my calls! Answer me. You better be in training or else. 

He had called Mo Salah a pussy in match the previous but deep down, Kompany was the pussy really John thought to himself, rolling his eyes and moved onto the next message. 

From: Kevin De Bruyne 

Come on, mate. Answer us, we are worried about you. 

He sighed. Kevin was what was right with the world and well, John, thought he was was wrong with the world. He did not deserve a friend like Kevin. 

From: Jordan Pickford 

Oiiiii, what’s happening? You have even me worried about you. Give us a call, just let me know you’re okay. 

‘Oh, Picks, Picks, Picks’ he said, under his breath. He never knew what where he stood with Everton and England’s number one goalkeeper. He always blew hot and cold with him. He thought it was best to just ignore him. He reached his last message. 

From: Kyle Walker 

I’m home this weekend for my cousin’s christening. Give us a bell if you want me to pick you on the way back to Manchester, you’re only down the road. 

Kyle was a safe bet. He never asked too many questions. He just knew when to be quiet. 

John dialled the number. 

Kyle answered on the second ring ‘Stonesy, mate! I thought you were dead!’ 

‘Chance would be a fine thing’ 

‘What you talking about?’ 

‘Nothing, that lift offer, when you going back to Manchester?’ 

‘This afternoon. Want me to pick you up?’ 

‘Please, mate, I’d appreciate it. I’m too hungover to drive’ 

‘You got it!’ 

—  
‘So this Wolves game, what do you think our chances are?’ Kyle said, later on, as he drove down the motorway between Yorkshire and Manchester. 

‘Don’t know. Depends if Pep has his bright idea to put me in midfield again’ John replied, shortly. 

‘Don’t knock yourself, mate. I think you did really well, given the circumstances’ 

John gave him a small smile and looked out of the window. It had begun. 

‘You’re doing that thing’ Kyle said, with a smirk. 

‘What thing would that be?’ John turned back to him, shooting up an eyebrow. 

‘The thing where you turn, look out of the window at a rainy sight and pretend you’re in a music video’ Kyle replied, still with his mischievous smirk. 

John couldn’t help but laugh. He snorted. It was not his usual belly laugh but he laughed. It felt good to laugh. 

‘There he is! There’s my mate. Come on, Johnny boy, give us your best laugh’ 

‘You’re a dickhead’ John shot at him but he was now smiling himself. 

‘Definitely there he is. Rude as usual’ 

‘I’m not rude to you at all!’ John replied, rolling his eyes. 

‘Erm, you forgetting a little video that’s on the England YouTube channel?’ Kyle questioned, narrowing his eyes. 

‘Shut up and focus on the road’ 

—  
John walked into his house, just outside of Manchester. It was so big... and empty. He preferred being at home. It was smaller. He needed to sell the house as soon as possible. He looked at his phone. He needed to do something. Something normal. He needed to just feel like himself again.

How he ended up at Waitrose to do food shopping, he does not know. He usually did it online but that day he just wanted to be a normal person. He had left his best car at his parents but that actually was a blessing in disguise. It meant he had to drive his beloved Mini Cooper that his dad gave him on his 17th birthday. He never wanted to be flashy and buy expensive things but then again, he always thought, what else am I going to do with all this money? 

He drove to Waitrose, parking the furthest away from the store because he did not want to be seen. If the paparazzi got one more shot of him when he was not at work, he may have to kill them. 

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon. John did not know exactly to buy. He was in the meat aisle when he heard calls of his name. He mentally groaned, expecting a fan but was shocked to see Jordan Pickford. 

‘Oh hi, Picks, surprised to see you here, isn’t this a little out of your way?’ John said quickly. 

‘Yeah but the missus likes to come here. Don’t ask me, anything for an easy life, eh?’ 

All John could do was nod. 

‘Are you alright? Your little moonlight flit had everyone worried’ 

‘I’m fine’ 

‘No, you’re not, John. You look like shit’ 

Good old Jordan Pickford, not afraid to speak his mind. 

‘Cheers mate, I feel like that’ John and Jordan had a weird dynamic. Jordan was not afraid to speak his mind and John just accepted it. Anyone else, including Kyle, would get the third degree and then some. 

‘Listen, we don’t have to talk now but if you do, give us a call. We can go to that pub just outside of Wilmslow that you like’ 

‘Great, even bloody Pickford wants me to talk about my feelings’ John thought to himself but before he could reply, Jordan’s girlfriend, Megan, had appeared besides him. 

‘Did you find what you were looking for, babe?’ Jordan asked, his attention now on his girlfriend. John suddenly felt deflated by her arrival. 

‘Yes but I’m too small to reach’ Megan replied. Jordan nodded and begun to push his trolley away. He stopped for a moment and turned back to John. 

‘It’s good to see you, Stonesy. Remember what I said’ then he was gone and John did not what to say or felt. 

He did not even pay attention to what he was buying. He just wanted to get out of there. As he drove home, the rain hammered down, hitting the car. The radio was playing some The Greatest Showman tune when it changed to Valerie by Amy Winehouse. John sighed and then chuckled. 

‘Not today, Amy, lovely, not today’ he muttered and turned the radio off. 

He drove in silence back to his house. Once he had put his shopping, he took out and his phone, debating his next move, debating which person to text, torn over what to do. He eventually decided, going to Jordan’s name and typed out his message. 

Thanks for the offer to be an ear. Can I take you up on it? 

— 

The main song inspiration for the story is Delicate by Taylor Swift. The chapter song inspiration is Silence by Marshmello and Khalid.


	2. No medicine is strong enough...

Delicate 

Chapter Two - No medicine is strong enough - 

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
But I just can't, it isn't in my blood

— 

John missed training for the third day in the row but he rang Pep, full of apologies and accepted the punishment of being benched for the game. He hated being on the bench. Reminded him too much of the time, growing up through the academy when he was not growing. They could not fit him anywhere so they would bench him until eventually they figured out he would have to play with the age below until he grew. He always tried to not focus on that, being benched is a part of the job but he could not help his mind going to that place. 

Jordan replied to him saying 8 o’clock and he better be on time. John concluded Jordan was a dickhead at times but at least he was willing to be there for him. 

As he started to make some food, his phone buzzed and it was Kyle. 

Hey, mate. Do you want to hang tonight? Annie has taken the boys to see her parents. I’m bored af. 

John could have just invited Kyle but he did not want Kyle there if he was being honest. Kyle was a good friend but he would just accept anything John said, because he thought it would be what he wanted to hear but John did not need that at that present moment time. He needed someone to put him in his place if he was out of line. Also, when he hung out with Kyle and Jordan together, he always felt like a third wheel. 

Hey, thanks for the offer but I have a killer headache. Hangovers are bitches. See you tomorrow. 

It was a little lie, right? Kyle did not need to know what he has doing. The unnerving feeling of guilt was building up inside him. He shrugged off the feeling and continued to make food. 

Half an hour later, John stood in front of his wardrobe, looking at his clothes, wondering what the fuck he could wear. It was only Jordan bloody Pickford but he still did not know to wear. 

‘For fuck sakes, Stonesy, pull yourself together, you’re a grown man’ he muttered to himself and pulled out a pair of black jeans and a T-shirt. He went for a plain one over the thought of having the piss took out of him if he chose another one that was not so pale. 

You really need to pull yourself. You’re not a fucking girl. You’re going to see a mate he thought to himself, as he pulled on a jacket. He looked safe and predictable. He ran a hand through his soft, wavy brown hair, making a mental note to have a haircut. His phone beeped and it was the girl from three nights ago again. She was desperate. He groaned, deciding not to reply. Hopefully she would get the message soon. He gathered his things together and headed out. 

—   
Jordan was tactful to chose a table away from prying eyes and a quiet spot. John was grateful for that. 

‘So are you going to tell me what’s going on?’ Jordan asked, as they brought their drinks over. 

‘I have no idea what you mean. I’m fi-, shit, Picks, don’t you have a game tomorrow?’

Jordan rolled his eyes ‘Chill. I’m not playing or subbing. It’s my match off’ 

John nodded ‘sorry, I didn’t know. Thank you for being here. I appreciate it’

Jordan’s face softened ‘don’t worry about it, mate. I’m happy to be here. So you going to tell me what’s happening?’

‘Nothing is happening. That’s what is wrong’

‘You broke up with your girlfriend a year ago right so why the sudden man slag phase now?’

John laughed ‘man slag phase?’ 

‘Yes, don’t think because I’m playing for a different team in a different town, I don’t hear things about you, John Stones’

‘Well, she had a new boyfriend within a few months and I found out through my cousin that she’s pregnant a few months back’ 

‘Shit, man, that’s bleak man, I’m sorry’

‘It’s okay. I guess I just wasn’t expecting her to be the one to move on first’ John replied, shrugging. 

‘So you’re rebelling and fucking your way through anything that says yes? They are saying yes, even drunk, yes?’ Jordan questioned, shooting an eyebrow. 

‘Fucking hell, Jordan, what do you take me for?’ John shot, coldly. 

‘No, no, not you, mate. You just read shit about these girls. Don’t want your career ruined because your head isn’t in the right place’

‘I’ll take that as your way of saying you care?’ John questioned, not understanding Jordan’s intentions. 

‘Of course I care and by the way, the I’m so cool and don’t care act may work with Kyle but it won’t with me’ Jordan replied, shortly. 

‘But I am so cool and don’t care’ John replied, smirking. 

‘No, John, you care. A lot. But that’s fine. You don’t have to tell me but I can read you. Like an open book you are’

A few drinks in, John had relaxed and was little bit tipsy which made Jordan laugh. 

‘Now you’re a little drunk and happier, you can be nice to me’ Jordan said, still laughing. 

‘I’m always nice to you! It’s you who isn’t nice’ John replied, rather quickly. 

Jordan snorted ‘truth or dare?’ 

‘Fuck sakes, Picks, how old are you? 12?’

Jordan shrugged ‘no, we are going to have some mindless fun which doesn’t include you putting it in a girl. If it’s immature, even better’ 

‘Fineeeeeeee. Truth’ 

‘Okay. Easy. You have give me a compliment and mean it. Also it can’t be anything to do with football’ 

John stared at him, taking a huge gulp of his lager. Because of the alcohol from the night before, he was more drunk than he should be. His head swam with thoughts. Some he did not even dare say out loud. 

‘I’ve changed my mind. Dare’

‘You’re a pussy, Stones’ 

An hour later, the pair were waiting for a taxi to take them respectively back to their houses. Shots had been done. It was cold but luckily the buzz of alcohol made it a little warmer. There was a silence and John tried to move but ended up falling over. 

‘Can’t take you anywhere can I?’ Jordan laughed, helping John to his feet. John held onto him, looking him up and down before letting go. 

‘I’m ready to tell you my truth now’ 

‘You’re too drunk, it doesn’t matter now’

‘No, Picks, let me tell you’

Jordan rolled his eyes ‘I’m gonna regret this but go on’

‘It’s a real shame you’re not a girl’ 

‘Do continue’ 

‘That arse of yours doesn’t belong a man’ John told him, looking backwards. 

‘But yet, here I am’ Jordan shrugged, with a small smile. 

‘How I wish that arse was on a girl’ John muttered under his breath but Jordan heard him, who rolled his eyes. It did not faze him as John was known for saying inappropriate things when drunk. He probably would not remember in the morning. Before Jordan could say anything, John’s taxi came, giving them a reprieve. 

‘It was good to see you. I hope we can do it again soon’ Jordan said, quickly, holding out his hand but John hugged him. 

‘Bye, girl arse!’ 

‘Wow, you really know how to do a 360 turn. As long as you feel better!’ Jordan replied, laughing. 

‘I’m gonna change your name in my phone to girl arse’ 

‘Sure, you are. See you soon’ Jordan opened the car door for John who climbed in. 

‘See I’ve changed it!’ John showed Jordan his phone who rolled his eyes, concluding John Stones really did have two personalities and he much preferred the second one. 

John was in a faze all the way back to his house, not really sure how to feel about what had just happened but he was happy. 

The car pulled up outside his house. He paid the driver and got out. His face went white when he saw Kyle sat on his doorstep. He almost went sober at the sight. 

‘Shit’ was all John managed to get out, his mouth dry. He swallowed. 

‘Killer headache? Hangovers are a bitch? Fucking hell, John, I can smell the alcohol from here’ Kyle told him, standing up. 

‘Oh bore off, Kyle! What are you even doing here?’ John questioned, he was struggling to stand at this point and Kyle made no effort to help him. 

‘I wanted to see if you were okay. You having to benched for the next game after being on the bench last week. I know what you get like’ Kyle replied, sighing. 

‘You know nothing! Nothing at all! Nothing’ John shouted at him. His accent thick because of being drunk. 

‘Don’t take this out on me. I’m only trying to be help’ 

‘Why? Why are you here like a concerned boyfriend? We literally play on the same team, nothing more’ John knew he was going to regret saying that when he was sober. 

‘Come on, John, that’s not true and you know it’ Kyle said, quietly. 

‘What? The concerned boyfriend bit or we just play on the same team? Just go, Kyle, just goooo!’ John told him, firmly, trying to walk into his house. 

‘You can be a real dickhead sometimes’ Kyle said after a moment. 

‘Bye, Kyle!’ John waved behind him before opening his door. 

—

John woke the next morning with a banging headache. He groaned, holding his head, trying to piece the night previous together. The last thing he remembered was doing tequila shots with Jordan at the bar. He felt around for his phone. He opened his eyes and saw the screen was smashed. 

‘For crying out loud, fuck’ he groaned, pressing the home screen, seeing a message from Kevin. Urgh, not what he needed when he was dying. 

Please don’t forget about training today. Do you want me to pick you up? 

John looked at the time and realised he had two hours to sort himself out. 

‘Come on, Stones, you can do this’ he said, sitting up. Echoes of argument rang through his mind when he remembered his argument with Kyle outside his house. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck   
John chanted in his head and collapsed backwards. Something else had happened last night. He couldn’t think of it. For some reason, he knew the answer was in his phone. He went into his contacts and searched for Jordan’s name. Nothing came up. He swallowed, desperate for water. He should have put some out before going to sleep. He went into his messages and looked at his message conversation with Jordan. He then saw what he had changed Jordan’s name to his phone. Girl arse

‘FUCK! SHIT! FUCK! ARGHHHHHH!’ John threw his phone across, probably breaking it more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The main song inspiration for the story is Delicate by Taylor Swift. The chapter song inspiration is In My Blood by Shawn Mendes.


	3. I've been so into your mystery...

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Three: I've been so into your mystery... 

It's hard for me to open up, I'll admit it  
You've got some shit to say and I'm here to listen... 

John had fucked up. He knew that and he had no idea how to fix it. Where did he start? Jordan or Kyle? 

Kyle seemed the obvious choice because he had literally told him they were not friends and that was not true. John knew that. He was drunk. He said stupid shit when he was hammered. 

Thinking about the stupid shit he said whilst drunk, he slammed his hand down hard on the sink as he started to remember the conversation he had with Jordan whilst they was waiting for the taxis and what he had said. Why did he have to say that and ruined a friendship. 

But then he thought... were him and Jordan really friends? They had banter whilst on international breaks. They got on. But Jordan was different to the others. He put John in place and he did not treat him like the others. If John fucked up, Jordan was the one to tell him. He did not understand their friendship but he was always so desperate for his approval and not to annoy him. He knew he had fucked up big style with both of them. 

The door bell rang; a reprieve. John walked over to the door and answered it. It was Kevin. 

‘Oh hi, Kev, you’re early’ 

‘Yeah, Michèle managed to get the baby down so I thought I’d come over and see how you were before training’ Kevin told him. John nodded, stepping aside and allowing Kevin to walk inside. 

‘I appreciate this, I really do’ 

‘Anytime, John. You know that. How are you anyway?’ 

‘I’ve fucked up’ 

‘In what context?’ 

‘With Kyle’ 

‘In what way?’ Kevin enquired, softly. The good thing about him was he was rarely ever judgemental and he was a good listener but he was sometimes too afraid to John how he really felt sometimes. 

‘He was here last night. I went out with... a friend and I lied to him about it. Then he was here when I got back, drunk. I said some things I didn’t mean’ John replied, sighing. The more he thought about the events from the night previous, the more he felt sick. 

‘What did you say?’ 

‘I said something along the lines of why are here like a concerned boyfriend and we only play on the same team, nothing more’ John told him, biting his lip as he did. His hands in his pockets, looking at the floor. 

‘Shit, John, that’s brutal, he’s your best friend. Everyone knows that’ Kevin said, still a soft voice. His Belgium accent made everything sound better, even when it was not. All John could do was nod. There was silence until Kevin spoke again. 

‘Why did you lie to Kyle about going out?’ 

John half laughed, half sighed ‘that’s the other thing I fucked up on’ 

‘Oh, were you out with a girl?’ Kevin questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

‘No, fucking hell, it would have been so much easier if I was’ 

‘I’m confused, explain please. It’s just me and you , you got someone squatting here after a one night stand?’ 

John laughed ‘humour isn’t your strongest point sometimes, Kev. Leave it us, brits, eh?’ 

‘Oi, you cheeky bastard, don’t change the subject. What happened?’ Kevin shot at him, shaking his head. 

‘I went for a drink with Jordan Pickford’ 

‘England Pickford, plays for Everton?’ John nodded. Kevin continued ‘Why wouldn’t you want Kyle there? I’m surprised you didn’t invite him’ 

‘I didn’t want him to know. That’s the first bit, the other thing was I say something inappropriate to Jordan’ 

‘Inappropriate how?’ 

‘I, erm, commented on his arse’ 

John could tell Kevin was trying not to laugh. John shot him a look. 

‘Sorry, sorry, I could just imagine you doing that actually. You have a thing for bums you do. What exactly did you say?’ Kevin questioned, shaking his head, trying not to laugh more. 

‘How I wish it was on a girl’ John said, quietly. 

Kevin didn’t say anything for moment, trying to understand what he had just been said. 

‘See, I’m an idiot. I can’t come back from this’ John sighed, running his hands through his hair. 

‘No, no. Okay, I’m probably gonna regret asking this but if his arse was on a girl, what would you do?’ Kevin asked, after a moment. 

‘Well, if I’m telling the truth, if that arse was on a girl, I’d probably fuck her’ John shrugged, he was looking at the floor. 

‘But because it’s on Jordan, a boy, you don’t want to?’ Kevin questioned, sounding serious this time. 

‘Kev! I’m not... no... why would you sugg-, of course not’ John sputtered in shock, trying to redeem himself. 

‘Hey! You’re the one out there commenting how you wish a guys arse was on a girl and you’d have sex with her. Maybe that’s it’ Kevin said, smiling a little bit. 

‘What? What is it, Kev?’ 

‘How many girls have you slept with this year?’ Kevin questioned, narrowing his eyes. 

‘Erm, what the..., I couldn’t tell you, mate, to be honest’ John replied, sounding disappointed in himself. 

‘Gotta be double figures right?’ Kevin raised an eyebrow. John thought about this, shaking his head from side to side then nodded. 

‘Shit, yeah, probably’ John said in a small voice, mentally scolding himself. 

‘Well, all that sex and you’re still fucking miserable? Maybe you’re just looking the wrong places. Maybe you need to have sex with a guy’ Kevin suggested, shrugging. 

‘Excuse me? No I don’t... why would say that? Besides, it’s not even about sex anymore. I’m bored of it, I just want...’ 

‘Love? Connection?’ Kevin finished for him. John nodded, before exhaling deeply. 

‘I still think you may need to have sex with a man first and if Pickford is the one you’re fantasising about, maybe it should be him’ Kevin then said, matter of fact like. 

‘No, it shouldn’t and even if I wanted to, he has a girlfriend’ John replied, shaking his head. 

‘There’s always Kyle, he wouldn’t say no... then again he has a girlfriend too. Never stopped him before though’ 

‘What the fuck? No. No. No. Kyle is straight as them come’ John shook his head in disbelief over where the conversation had gone. 

‘But if he wasn’t? You would?’ Kevin narrowed his eyes. 

‘No, I wouldn’t, he’s my best friend. Fucking hell, Kevin, anyone would think you’re coming onto me’ 

‘No, mate, not me. I’m happily married with two kids. You’ve seen my wife right?’ John nodded ‘well I’m not leaving her for no one, male or female!’ 

‘Urgh, What the hell should I do?’ John asked, frustrated. 

‘Okay, jokes over, I think you need to speak to Kyle and apologise. Make friends with him. Because you gotta see him soon anyways, so don’t want any awkwardness then you need to speak to Jordan. Have you spoke to him since the incident?’ Kevin asked. 

John shook his head ‘no, I kinda changed his name in my phone to girl arse in my phone and hadn’t texted him yet’ 

‘Wow, John, you really are a weird one when you’re drunk’ 

‘Yep’ John replied, popping the P. 

‘Just message him. He might not remember’ 

But for some reason, John had a feeling Jordan Pickford was not the type to black out when he’s drunk. He would be the type to remember every single detail and the thought made John’s stomach churn. 

Training was awkward. He walked over to Kyle when the coach called for break. 

‘Can we talk?’ John asked, trying not to look Kyle in the eye. 

‘Depends if you’re gonna bite my head off or not’ Kyle replied, turning to him. 

‘No, I’m not. I just want to talk’ Kyle nodded and they begun to walk towards the canteen. 

John stopped, outside ‘not in there. Let’s go talk somewhere private. Away from any big ears’ 

John led them into one of therapy rooms. He closed the door behind them. 

‘Right, I’m listening’ Kyle said, clapping his hands together. 

‘I’m an arsehole. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said’ John replied, sighing. 

‘I figured that. What the fuck happened last night?’ Kyle questioned, sounding desperate to know. For some reason, even after telling Kevin, John couldn’t bring himself to tell Kyle. 

‘I was with a girl, you know and I couldn’t finish, the alcohol killed it off’ John quickly finished. 

Kyle sniggered ‘Fucking hell, mate, I’m sorry. I understand now’ 

‘Right?’ John said, swallowing loudly. He was relieved Kyle brought his lie. He turned to leave when Kyle grabbed his arm. 

‘You know, if there’s anything, you can tell me, I’m always here for you’ he told him, with a small smile. John’s mind went back to what Kevin said earlier and realised his lie had probably made everything worse. 

Pull yourself, Stones. You’re not gay and you definitely do not want to have sex with your best friend! John screamed in his mind. 

But what about Jordan? His subconscious said. He shook his head and pulled himself from Kyle’s grip. He was going to kill Kevin for putting these thoughts in his head. He quickly left the room and pulled out his phone. He went to text Jordan, who was still under girl arse.  
He mentally slapped himself, rolling his eyes and quickly sent a message. 

We have to talk 

Jordan was replying almost instantly. 

Okay, I’m in your area later. Text me your address. 

Great, now, Jordan Pickford wanted to make house calls but either way, John typed out his address, unaware Kyle had been looking over his shoulder and seen the message exchange. 

John paced up and down his kitchen later on whilst he waited for Jordan. How the fuck was he going to get out this one? Jordan did not seem the type to accept that he just spoke shit drunk. He knew. He knew something was up. 

Well, that makes one of us John thought to himself. He also jumped out of his skin when there was a knock on the door. Jordan walked in. There was silence as he did. 

‘You don’t wear hangovers well do you?’ Jordan laughed. 

John couldn’t help but smile ‘no I don’t’ 

‘So I suppose you want to talk about last night?’ Jordan questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

‘You remember?’ John said, quietly. 

‘Remember everything I do’ Jordan replied, with a smirk. 

Of course, you bloody do, you smug git John thought to himself. 

‘I don’t know what to say other than I’m an idiot’ 

‘Just out of curiosity, what would you do to a girl if she had an arse like mine?’ Jordan asked, raising an eyebrow. 

‘Look, I was drunk, I’m sorry, I was out of line’ John replied, sighed. 

Jordan rolled his eyes and walked closer to him ‘there’s the first lesson you got to learn. Usually yes, drunk people can say inappropriate things but sometimes it’s your sober subconscious speaking and John, you wasn’t that drunk’ 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ John said, very quietly, his ears going pink. 

‘Never apologise for the way you feel or you think, even if it comes out drunk. What’s the point? You should never be sorry for that’ Jordan told him, with a lazy smile. John noticed that when Jordan smiled, it reached his eyes and made them twinkle. 

‘Wow, I wasn’t expecting that, you’re different to...’ John’s voice trailed off. 

‘Different to what you expected or different to your usual best friend?’ Jordan questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

‘Both. I’m not used to someone not going with what I’m saying’ John replied. He had no idea where this was going but the first time in his life, he felt like he was having a real conversation. 

‘You can say his name you know?’ It annoyed John how Jordan was so confident, all the time. He always knew exactly what to say. 

‘Fine. Kyle. You’re different to Kyle’ John replied, exhaling deeply. 

‘That’s because Kyle is in love with you’ Jordan said after a moment. 

John’s eyes widened ‘I’m sorry, what?’ 

‘Come off it, you have never noticed? He looks at you like you’re a puppy who needs taking care of. He’s so loyal and would do anything for you’ Jordan laughed and then shook his head. 

‘No, that’s not right. He’s been with his girlfriend forever and got kids... that cannot...’ but even John could not deny what Jordan was saying. Kevin had hinted at it earlier and Jordan was here saying exactly that. 

‘What does that mean in the grand scheme of things really? He loves you and that’s all there is. It’s so painfully obvious’ Jordan said, shaking his head. 

‘But I don’t love him, I don’t think. I mean, as a friend, yes but not as that I don’t think’ John replied after a moment, thinking about it. 

‘That’s because he wraps you in cotton wool. You don’t want that. You don’t want to be treated like you are about to break... what you want is my arse on a girl right?’ Jordan questioned, walking closer to him. 

‘Don’t kill the mood. I said something stupid and I’m sor-...’ 

‘What did I just tell you? Don’t say you’re sorry if you meant it. If you didn’t have the alcohol buzz, would you have wanted to say it?’ Jordan interrupted him. He was close to John. Too close. 

‘What the fuck is going on?’ John exclaimed, moving away. 

‘You tell me. You made the comment, not me’ Jordan replied, raising his arms. 

‘I’ve already told you I’m sorry! Why are you reading so much into it?’ John questioned, quickly. 

‘I don’t know. I think I should go’ it was Jordan’s time to go quiet. Something changed in the atmosphere. Jordan had become nervous. 

‘Yeah maybe you should’ John sighed. He was at a lost. He did not know what to do. The answer seemed to be in front of him, as clear as day but he did not how to articulate the words he wanted to say. 

Jordan turned and left out of the door. John followed him and his eyes widened as Jordan walked down his drive, Kyle was walking up it. 

‘Oh hi Kyle, I’ve finished with your boyfriend, he’s all yours’ Jordan shot at Kyle, walking past him. Kyle starred after him in disbelief as Jordan got into his car and drove off. Kyle then turned to John. 

‘Jordan Pickford? That’s your secret. What the fuck is going on, John?’ Kyle questioned, storming into John’s house and slammed the door behind him. 

‘Not now, Kyle! Please, what the fuck you doing here?’ John rounded on him, he really was at his last nerve but he had be careful. He could not blame alcohol this time around. 

‘I was just worried about you...’ John could not focus on what Kyle was saying. His mind was swimming with thoughts and conversations. 

‘Maybe you need to have sex with a guy’

‘There’s always Kyle, he wouldn’t say no... then again he has a girlfriend too. Never stopped him before though’

‘That’s because Kyle is in love with you’ 

‘He’s so loyal and would do anything for you’ 

‘...for fuck sakes, John, are you even listening to me?’ 

John did not really think through his next actions or the consequences. He just wanted to stop the noise in his head. He had never been so confused in his life. He wanted it all to end. He leaned forward and kissed Kyle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me for the ending. 
> 
> I think it’s time a Jordan chapter next! Coming soon... 
> 
> The main song inspiration behind this story is Delicate by Taylor Swift and the song inspiration for this chapter is Love Lies by Khalid and Normani.


	4. Who are you in the dark?

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Four- Who Are You In The Dark? 

I can see you're scared of your emotions  
I can see you're hoping not hopeless  
So why can't you show me? Why can't you show me?

Jordan’s hand gripped the wheel of his car so hard, his hands were white. He was angry, very angry. 

John fucking Stones what the fuck is wrong with you, Pickford Jordan thought to himself. He was driving home after that encounter. He was in control, perfect control but then he lost it because he was then the one being questioned. What the hell had happened? What was it about John Stones that made Jordan want to know so much more? 

‘He was drunk. He made a stupid comment. Why couldn’t you just accept that?’ Jordan muttered under his breath ‘because it wasn’t just a stupid comment’ 

Jordan was driving like a mad man down the motorway and he was going to get into an accident if he was not careful. His mind was else where, memories flooding his mind. 

It was the summer of 2012. He had finally had a call up for England U19 team. He was finally started to feel like he was going to make it. 

He was so scared though but he did not want to show it. He had to be in control. 

He was sat in the changing rooms when overheard a loud voice. It was a northern accent but it definitely was not a Geordie one. It sounded it could be a Yorkshire one. His grandparents lived in Leeds. It definitely was not a Leeds one. It was more South but he couldn’t pin point it. 

‘Honestly, I thought I had died and gone to heaven... Amsterdam is the best’ 

‘You went down the red light district?’ A second voice asked, excited. 

‘Did I? For fuck sakes, Eric, it’s Amsterdam. Of course I did’ the loud Yorkshire accent replied. They shared a few more words that Jordan could not have catch when the changing room door opened. He quickly made himself busy. 

‘Oh hi, you must be the new keeper, right? Pickford right?’ It was the same Yorkshire accent. Jordan sighed and turned around. The boy was around the same height as him, the same age. He was so tall but he was slim with it. His hand was held out. 

‘Yes, Jordan’ 

‘Ah okay, I’m John, it’s good you’re here, we were worried after our last keeper left’ Jordan noted how his voice was different from how he was speaking with his friend. It was calmer. The hint of Yorkshire was still ever so present but it was quieter. Suddenly, Jordan was interested and wanted to know more. 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!’ Jordan exclaimed, back in the present, as he drove faster. He could hear beeps behind him but he did not care. He had to get home. 

Why do I fucking care about that lanky bastard so much? Jordan’s thoughts screamed as he drove. He finally saw the turning for his village. He turned in and drove to his house. He parked in his parkway. He got out and looked at the parking. It was not the greatest parking job but he was home and that was all that mattered. 

He walked in and could smell sausage casserole cooking. His girlfriend really did know how to look after him. He smiled a little. 

‘Megs?’ 

‘You’re back early. How’s Kyle?’ Megan asked, walking out into the hallway. Another lie he had told her. When did he become this person. 

‘He’s good yeah’ Jordan replied, kissing her on the cheek. 

‘Next time, he should come here. I don’t like the thought of you driving to and from to the other side of Cheshire all of the time, especially in the dark’ Megan told him, with a sigh. He gave her a small smile and hugged her. 

‘Need any help?’ He asked after a moment, pulling away. 

‘No, it’s okay, I’m on it’ she smiled and walked away. Jordan pulled his phone out of his pocket. He opened his conversation with John about to type but he did not know what to say. He locked his phone and put it in back in his pocket. 

—  
John did not have a fucking clue what he was doing. He needed a escape and somehow this was it; kissing his best friend who to his surprise did not pull away. Fuck, Jordan was right John thought to himself. Jordan. The mere thought of him brought him to his senses. He was stood in his hallway, kissing Kyle. He gasped, coming back to the moment and pulled away. He stepped away and held his mouth in shock. He was in shock because it was not as bad as he thought it would be. Maybe Kevin was right. Maybe what he needed was well... another man. 

‘John’ Kyle said after a moment. He looked confused and not sure what to say. 

‘Give me a minute. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry... shit’ John replied, turning around and walked into his kitchen. 

He took his phone out and went into his conversation with Jordan, his thumb hovering over the keypad.

‘Fuck!’ he whispered, not sure what his next course of action should be. 

‘John’ he turned around and saw Kyle there, still wearing the same look of confusion over his face. 

‘I’m sorry, Kyle, that shouldn’t-‘ 

‘I’m not sorry’ 

Shit, he really is in love with me but do I love him? John’s thoughts chanted in his head. 

‘Tell me, what should we do?’ Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow. 

‘I don’t know. I just need a moment’ John replied, running his hands through his hair. 

‘Why did you kiss me? Do you like me like that?’ Kyle questioned, walking over to him. 

‘I don’t know, maybe. This is confusing. I’m sorry’ John told him, with a small smile. 

‘Like I said, I’m not sorry. If you do, we can do things. I know how to feel you better. You have been down for weeks but I can make it go away’ Kyle said, walking closer to him. 

This is only going to be complicate things. Tell him to go home! John screamed in his head. 

‘Please, just go. I can’t do this right now’ John finally said after a moment. His back was against the kitchen counter. Kyle had walked over to him, his hands were on on the top of his trackies. It has escalated far too quickly. John swallowed loudly, looking down at Kyle. Why did he have to kiss him? 

“Are you sure?’ Kyle asked, looking up at him, his grip on John’s trackies had become stronger. The confusion in John’s mind turned into interest and intrigue. Despite every single atom and thing in his body telling him to stop, John kissed Kyle again. Within a matter of seconds, the kiss had deepened and become more passionate. John noted it was different than kissing a girl. It was rougher. It was not soft. 

I bet Jordan’s kisses are soft a voice in the back of his mind. John pulled away from Kyle for a moment but instead of questioning it, Kyle started to kiss John’s neck. He was the perfect height for it to do that. 

‘I’m going to do something and it’s going to make you feel better’ Kyle told him. John narrowed his eyes and watched him go lower. It was too much. 

He’s so loyal and would do anything for you Jordan’s voice echoed in John’s mind. 

‘No, no, stop, I can’t do this’ John said, rather quickly as Kyle was about to pull down his boxers. 

‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ Kyle exclaimed, standing up. 

‘Me? ME? You were about to pull my boxers down’ 

‘You kissed me! Twice’ Kyle proclaimed, standing up. 

‘Get out. I can’t deal with this right now. I mean it, get out’ John shouted, pointing to the door. Kyle shot him a look before leaving. 

John walked over to the kitchen sink. He splashed himself with cold water. He exhaled deeply and got his phone out. He rang Jordan. It went to voicemail. 

‘Jordan, it’s John. Well, obviously. My name came up. Ring me. I need to see you. We need to finish our conversation from earlier’ John hung up the phone and put his phone down on the side. He begun wondering what the fuck he was going to do next. 

—  
Jordan was washing the pots whilst Megan took a bath. He was finishing up when he heard his phone beep. He walked over and saw a missed call from John and a voicemail. He listened to the message and sighed. He was not sure how much longer he could do carry on for. 

He typed his reply. 

Fine but you’re coming to me for once. Meet me at the playing fields near my house. You remember the place? 

A few moments later, John’s reply came through. 

Yes, I’ll be there. 30 minutes? 

Jordan reply was a simple yes. 

—  
It has cold but John did not care. He sat on the boot on his car as he saw Jordan park his car. Jordan got out and had a look of lost of his face. 

‘So are you ready to finish our conversation now?’ Jordan questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

‘I guess...’ 

‘For fucks sake, John, I didn’t come out in the pissing cold to hear you say I guess’ Jordan rolled his eyes. 

‘I’m sorry’ 

‘Remember what I said about you saying you’re sorry. Only say it if you mean it’ 

‘I mean it this time’ John said, in a small voice. 

‘What are you sorry for?’ Jordan questioned, walking closer to him. 

‘For being confusing and not knowing’ John shrugged, looking at the floor. 

‘You’re such an interesting soul, you are’ Jordan commented, sighing. 

‘What do you mean?’ John asked, confused. 

‘You have nice cars, nice clothes, a nice house with your big club and country but it doesn’t faze you. You don’t give a shit. You just want to play football because you feel like it’s the only thing you’re good at. You want to make your parents proud. You love playing for a big club like City and you love playing for England but you just don’t care about the fame and money. You’d do it for free if you could but you have all this money so you might as well do something with it. So you buy nice things in hope of feeling good about yourself. You wear it like an amour. You feel like you can’t be touched but that’s not the truth is it?’ Jordan questioned. 

John went quiet for a moment. He had no idea how Jordan could see straight through him like that. Was he really that obvious? 

‘How do you... I don’t understand’ John finally managed to say. 

‘Already told you, you’re an open book. It just takes someone to read you’ Jordan told him. He tilted his head to the side. 

‘So last night...’ John changed the subject. He felt vulnerable, like he was back in school and was brought to the front of the class to present his work. 

‘What about it?’ 

‘You’re right, I wasn’t that drunk. I don’t want it on a girl.. I just want... I wanted to sound cool, like I could brush it off. I didn’t think you would analyse the way you have’ John replied, swallowing loudly. 

‘Nah, you knew I would but that’s okay’ Jordan told him, with a small smile. 

‘What happens now, Jordan because I don’t what’s happening between us? I thought you’d dismiss the comment. Are you going to... I don’t know’ John covered his face, sighing. Jordan walked over to him, sighing and taking John’s hands away from his face. 

‘Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening either’ Jordan said in a small voice. John had never seen Jordan so... vulnerable himself. The air between them was charged. They studied each other’s faces for a moment. John would have kissed him if he did not still taste and smell him. He felt disgusted with himself. He took a step back, sighing. 

‘You need to be honest with yourself and I need to be with myself. That’s the next step. We need...’ 

John was so surprised to how Jordan was behaving around him. It was so different to what he was used to. 

‘I think the next time we should talk is on international break, if we get called up. That will give us time’ Jordan continued. 

‘If I get called up. You will do though’ John replied. Jordan tutted, shaking his head. He lifted a hand and rested it on John’s shoulder before lifting it to his cheek. He kept it there for a moment before dropping it. Jordan shook his head again and begun to walk off before stopping and turned around. 

‘Just tell me, do you really wish my arse was on a girl?’ Jordan asked, raising an eyebrow. 

‘No, it wouldn’t look right’ John replied, with a small smile. 

‘Good boy. Baby steps but you’re getting there. You’re right, it wouldn’t’ Jordan chuckled, softly before heading to his car. 

‘Jordan?’ 

‘Come on, what? John, don’t drag out’ 

‘Thank you’ 

‘You’re welcome’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did another a chapter because I wasn’t sure when I’m able to post over the next few days.... 
> 
> The song inspiration for this chapter was In The Dark by Camila Cabello.


	5. I didn't come for a fight but I will fight until the ending.

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Five- I didn't come for a fight but I will fight until the ending. 

I just follow your scent, you can just follow my smile. All of your flaws are aligned with this mood of mine. 

—

A few months past. John tried to keep the contact with Jordan to a minimum whilst he tried to work out what the hell was happening in his mind. Kyle avoided him like the plague after their incident. John did not blame him. He was an idiot and he did not know how to make it right. Maybe he could not and he would have to accept that. Before he knew it though, it was international break which meant John was about to spend a week with Jordan. He did not know if that excited him more than the nerves but he had no idea what to do. 

Usually, John would travel down with Kyle to London for international break but he could not. He hated driving to London and flights were always a nightmare. So he caught the train by himself from Manchester but John couldn’t deny the obvious. He missed Kyle. He missed his best friend. 

As he travelled to camp, he tried to remain calm. He did not want any drama to occur but Kyle was like a ticking bomb. John was afraid he would end up telling someone and it would get back to Jordan. 

Jordan. He had no idea how to approach him. John did not realise one stupid comment drunk could have caused so much angst and stirred up feelings. Jordan was not there when John got to St George’s. 

Half of the players, including Kyle wanted to go out. Catch up and drink. John could have not thought of anything worse. He just wanted a early night. He went back to the hotel they all stayed in and checked in. He had started to flicker through the channels on the TV when there was a knock on his door. He narrowed his eyes, confused. 

‘Shit, what if it’s Kyle’ John thought to himself. He jumped up from his bed, his heart pounding out his chest. He crept slowly before just thinking fuck it and headed to the door, opening it. It was not Kyle. It was Jordan. 

‘Oh hi’ John said, flatly. 

‘Oh hi? That’s the welcome I get?’ Jordan questioned with an eyebrow raised. 

‘Sorry, I thought you were someone else’ John replied, softly. 

‘Oh expecting someone better?’ Jordan asked, slightly amused. 

‘No, of course not. Have you just landed?’ John could feel his heart racing again. 

‘Yes. Are you going to invite me in? Or just going to stand there looking gormless?’ John laughed. He had missed Jordan’s honesty. He nodded, moving to the side to let Jordan in. John quickly shut the door. 

‘Careful, John. If there’s anyone watching, you’ll make them think we have a secret to hide’ Jordan laughed then shook his head. 

‘Don’t we?’ John said, bravely. He crossed his arms and looked directly at Jordan.

Jordan chuckled and begun to pace ‘maybe we do’ 

‘So how are you?’ John asked, after a moment. 

‘Wow, you’re really shit at welcomes aren’t you? Haven’t seen me in weeks. Where’s my hug, man?’ Jordan asked, shaking his head. John went to reply but could not think of something witty enough. He walked forward and hugged Jordan. 

‘No, I don’t you to hug me out because you feel bad’ Jordan said, trying to move away. 

‘Shut up and accept the hug. I want to’ John replied, laughing. 

‘Good boy, you’re learning’ Jordan said. If John could have seen him, he would have seen Jordan was smiling but John was too busy being engulfed by the smell of Jordan. He smelt fresh, even though he had been travelling. He also smelt musky and something about it relaxed him. Eventually they separated and took a step back. 

‘There’s something I need to tell you’ Jordan said after a moment. He was not looking at John, he was looking at the Tom Ford spray on the side. 

‘Fucking hell, expensive clothes, expensive cars, expensive perfume, you really are hiding behind your money’ Jordan added, after a moment. 

‘I’m sorry’ 

Jordan rounded on him ‘what the hell have you got to be sorry for?’ 

‘I don’t know, I just...’ 

‘Do you remember anything about our last encounter?’ Jordan questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

Everything. I remember everything John thought but did not say. He just nodded. Jordan picked up the bottle, took off the top and smelled it. 

He laughed ‘so that’s your secret?’ 

‘What secret?’ 

‘The secret to why you smell so damn good all the time’ Jordan replied, with a small smile with John returned. 

‘You said you had something to tell me?’ John reminded him after a moment. 

‘I do, I do but I’m not sure how you’re gonna react to or if you’re gonna react the way I think you’re going to’ Jordan said, sighing. He took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

‘Right, I’m confused but continue’ 

‘I broke up with Megan’ Jordan told him, after a moment. 

‘Are you being serious?’ John asked, his stomach doing back flips. 

‘Yes, and I wanted to know what you thought about it’ Jordan replied, his gaze locked on John. 

‘I mean, you’ve been with her forever...’

‘That is true, I have been with her forever’ Jordan sighed and then shook his head. 

‘But if it’s what you need and want... then good on you’ John told him. His heart racing and his mind full of million things he wanted to say but could not. Jordan stood up, taking a step towards him. John was glued to the step. He could not have moved even if he wanted to. 

‘Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for there, John, I’m not going to lie’ Jordan replied, sighing. 

‘Why how did you want me to react?’ John questioned. Jordan sighed, standing still for a moment. 

‘You really are the most impossible person I’ve ever met’ he then said, quietly. 

‘I’m sor-‘ 

‘Do not even think about finishing that sentence, John Stones or I swear to God...’ Jordan pointed at him then screwed his hand in frustration. 

‘Okay, I’m not sorry’ John then said, crossing his arms. 

‘Good, I’m happy you’re not sorry because I need to do something. For the both of us and this may make things better or worse but if I don’t do it, I think I might explode’ Jordan replied, walking closer to him. John swallowed loudly. The air was restricted, like he had forgotten how to breathe. Jordan was getting so much more closer to him now. 

‘You know why I broke up with Megan right?’ Jordan questioned. He was so close now and without thinking, he took John’s hand. 

‘I have an idea yes’ 

‘All I could think about was that stupid comment you made. I should have brushed it off but I couldn’t and when you said that you didn’t actually want my arse on a girl, well that’s been driving me crazy for weeks’ 

‘It’s been driving me crazy for weeks too’ John replied, softly. He made no attempt pull his hand away because he liked the way it felt. 

‘If I’ve crossed the line, just say but there’s something I gotta do, just to know, just so I know that breaking up with my girlfriend of 7 years was the right thing to do’ Jordan’s face was now moving closer to John’s who made no attempt to move away when there was a loud crash from outside. 

‘Are you fucking kidding me right now?’ Jordan whispered as John turned to the door. 

There was another loud crash. John sighed and moved over the door. 

‘Leave it, please’ Jordan pleaded, closing his eyes. 

‘Someone could be in trouble’ John said, quickly. He walked to open the door and looked outside. He saw a very drunk Kyle being propped up by Dele and Harry Winks. 

‘There he is! There’s my best friend’ Kyle shouted, pointing at John. 

‘Kyle? How much have you had to drink?’ John questioned, sighing. Jordan appeared at the doorway, looking at Kyle not impressed. 

‘Oh Johnny boy, have you replaced me? I’m hurt’ Kyle exclaimed. He held his chest as he spoke. 

‘He’s been asking for you all the way back. Sprouting shit’ Dele said whilst trying to hold Kyle down. 

‘What has he said?’ John asked. Jordan noted the worried look on John’s face. 

‘Nothing much. Just wanted you’ Dele replied. Kyle got the better of him and went flying forward. John caught him but could not even look at him. 

‘John is such a bad friend to have you know, Jordan? You ought to be careful’ Kyle said, his Sheffield accent thick. 

‘Come on, Kyle, don’t do this now. We should talk when you’re sober’ John told him, trying to push him towards his room. 

‘You hurt me, Johnny. Like really hurt me. Here’ Kyle said, quietly and touched John’s chest where his heart was. 

‘What’s he talking about, John?’ Jordan asked, turning. 

‘Nothing, it doesn’t mat-‘ 

‘HA! Doesn’t matter stupid, drunk Kyle doesn’t matter. Only stupid, drunk John matters. We all prefer John when he’s drunk. Apart from Jordan. Remember?’ Kyle said, laughing. 

‘Shut up now Kyle or mate or no mate, I’ll punch you straight in the face’ Jordan said through gritted teeth. 

‘I love drunk John, I love every John but Jordan, he hates drunk John. We all know about it’ Kyle continued 

‘Oh, do you now?’ John said, upset. He pushed Kyle back and Dele caught him. 

John shot a look at Jordan and headed back into his room. He did not close his door in time because Jordan was in his room again. He closed the door behind him. 

‘Get out’ John told him, quietly. 

‘What the hell was that with Kyle? He looked really upset, John!’ Jordan questioned, in disbelief. 

‘I could ask you the same thing! You told him about what happened in the New Year?’ John cried, shocked. 

‘Of course I fucking didn’t. When did I have the chance to see Kyle?’ 

‘Then what the fuck is he talking about?’

‘You first. What the hell is wrong with him?’ 

‘I... we kissed. It’s complicated’ 

The colour from Jordan’s face went ‘what do you mean you kissed?’ 

‘Means I kissed him because I was fucking confused over what I wanted but it wasn’t him I wanted to kiss so I stopped it’ John exclaimed, running his fingers through his hair. 

‘When?’ 

‘Doesn’t matter’ 

‘I swear to God, you better tell me now’ Jordan said, moving forward. 

‘Or what you gonna do? Like seriously what you gonna? Threaten to punch me in the face too?’ The heat between them was building and they were moving closer and closer to each other. 

“Don’t shout at me. It’s not a good look on you” Jordan told him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Stop fucking talking to me like you’re my fucking parent then! No one gets away with speaking to me like that” John narrowed his eyes as he spoke

‘When did you kiss him?’ Jordan questioned again, changing the subject. 

‘The night when we last spoke’ 

‘Before or after?’ Jordan whispered, his voice almost sounded broke. 

‘Before’ 

‘When I saw him in the driveway? Before we met up again?’ John nodded at Jordan’s question. He realised in that moment what an incredibly shit thing he had done. 

‘Jordan, I am so...’ 

‘No fuck off, I knew you were a fucking piece of shit but John, for fucks sake, even for you...’ 

‘Please don’t do this, I was confused. I didn’t know what I was doing but I do now. I want this. I want you!’ John cried. He looked shocked as he finally said the words he had been wanting to say for weeks. 

‘There we go some truth but you’ve already ruined it’ Jordan replied. He exhaled deeply. He turned to leave. 

‘No, please, Jordan, please don’t go. This past weeks have been torture, I’ve missed you. I only want you’ John lurched forward, trying to take Jordan’s hands. 

‘We never had nothing. We had your stupid comment when you were drunk and we had your...’ Jordan’s voice trailed off. He was hurt. Like a deer that just been hit by a car. He just wanted to be alone. 

‘My what? What else has fucking happened? Jordan please’ John pleaded but Jordan did not reply instead he turned and left the room, leaving John distraught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To think in my first draft of this, John and Jordan actually kissed 😭 sorry I love the angst too much but it’s coming, don’t worry. 
> 
> The song inspiration for this chapter was Irresistible by Fall Out Boy and Demi Lovato.


	6. I’ve been lost without a trace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small update for you :)

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Six- I’ve been lost without a trace. 

I dream at night, I can only see your face,  
I look around but it's you I can't replace. 

—  
To say Jordan was angry would have been an understatement. He was seconds away from ending weeks, months of questions and an end to his misery. 

No years, Pickford, let’s be real Jordan thought to himself. He quickly scrambled into his hotel room, locking the door behind him quickly. He chucked the keys onto the bed, along with his coat. He could still smell John. It lingered his nostrils. 

‘That fucking piece of shit’ Jordan muttered under his breath. He took off his clothes and took a shower. The smell was distracting, making him think things he should not. 

Once he had the shower, he could think a little more clearly. He stood in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. 

Maybe, I overreacted. Maybe I should go back Jordan thought but then realised he could not go back. Not yet. Because he did not have a fucking clue what to say. His stomach churned. The feelings he was experiencing was not normal. He needed a outlet. Football was usually the answer but not this time. He had no idea what to do. The thought of John and Kyle plagued his mind, the thought of them kissing. He shouted in frustration and punched the mirror. He gasped and pulled his hand back. He looked down and saw blood. He turned the tap on and put his hand under the water. He hissed in pain. He hated that he felt the way he was feeling and in that moment, he hated John for making him feel like that. 

Jordan barely slept that night. He laid awake. He did not know to get past it. His phone beeped at 2am. He turned over and saw it was John. 

I’m so sorry and I really do mean that. Please talk to me. 

‘No, you dickhead, it ain’t that easy’ Jordan said under his breath. He debated a reply but could not think of what to say. Another message should came through. 

Jordan, I know you’re awake. You’ve seen the message. 

Jordan pulled a face and put his phone down. He needed more time to think what to say. He soon drifted into a dreamless, heavy sleep. 

The next morning, he concluded he was going take back control, no matter what it took. 

There was a meeting that morning to review their year and game plans. He skipped breakfast, feeling too sick to eat. He knew he was going to regret it later. He walked into the board room, where he could see John was sat at the back with Ross Barkley. Jordan could make out what they were saying. 

‘...honestly, mate, you gotta come with me. It’s not like Liverpool. The girls are unreal’ Ross said, with a smug smile. 

‘I don’t need it. I mean, last night...’ John replied, a fake smile on his face. Jordan could see straight through him. 

‘You got laid last night? You haven’t even been here for 24 hours’ Ross exclaimed in shock. 

‘The girls... they love a Northerner’ John said, with a smirk. 

‘No, Stonesy, they love you!’ Ross told him, shaking his head in disbelief. Jordan walked up to them and sat next to John who stared at him. 

‘Picks! Mate, how’s it going?’ Ross bellowed, holding his hand. Jordan took it, shaking it and then pulled it back but John’s attention was on his other hand. 

‘What the fuck have you done?’ John whispered to him, in concern. He restrained himself from taking Jordan’s hand. 

‘Don’t worry, your boyfriend’s face wasn’t at the receiving end’ Jordan replied, quiet enough so only John could hear. 

‘He isn’t my boyfriend!’ John hissed at him. Before Jordan could reply, Kyle had walked into the board room, looking a little worse for wear. 

‘Walks! I heard about you last night. How’s it going?’ Ross exclaimed loudly, standing up and walked over to him. 

‘Seriously, Jordan, what did you do?’ John asked. He took the injured hand now that Ross was not around. Jordan pulled his hand away so quickly like he had been burned. 

‘Back seat, John? With Ross Barkley? Hiding again? Or should I say, Stonesy?’ Jordan questioned, not looking at John and crossed his arms. 

‘Why are you saying that like it’s an insult? It’s my fucking name, you prick’ John shot at him. 

Jordan chuckled softly, shaking his head. 

‘What could be so funny right now?’ John asked him, turning to him. 

‘Nothing much. You’re just so easy to wind up’ Jordan replied, laughing. 

‘Oh, so that’s you’re going to do instead of talking to me you’re just gonna be a little shit?’ John questioned, flinging himself back on his chair and crossed his arms. 

‘Takes one to know’ Jordan said, his voice had softened a little. 

‘Fucking immature twat’ John muttered under breath. 

‘Better than an indecisive little bastard’ Jordan replied, shaking his head. 

John stood up, staring down at him. Jordan had to admit, he was so hot when he was angry and he was struggling to keep up appearances. 

‘Right, outside, now’ John said, staring down at him. He was lucky everyone was busy chatting to notice the tension between them. 

‘Why, what you going to do?’ Jordan questioned, looking up at him. 

‘I’m about to show you how indecisive I really am so get up now. I fucking mean it, Jordan’ John said to him with a little more authority this time. 

Jordan was almost impressed with the side of John that he was bringing out. He had managed to get a reaction out of him within a few minutes. He stood up, without another word and left the room. John followed him. He stopped outside a cleaning cupboard. 

‘Really? How fucking cliche’ Jordan said, shaking his head. 

‘Get fucking inside before I drag you inside’ John replied, opening the door. 

‘I would like to see you try, Stonesy. No in fact, I would love to see you try’ Jordan told him, walking inside. John followed suit. 

‘Don’t fucking call me that. It’s obviously a joke to you so just don’t call me it’ John said before shutting the door behind them. 

‘Someone’s cranky today’ Jordan commented, laughing a little. 

‘I wonder why. I text you and you don’t reply. I know you fucking saw the messages’ 

‘And are you surprised after I found out about you and Kyle?’ 

‘There is no me and Kyle. There never was. It was a mistake that I have live with but I’ve never wanted Kyle. I want you’ John told him, sighing. 

‘You said last night’ Jordan commented, with a smile. John made an annoyed sound and stared at Jordan. He opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. He exhaled deeply and leaned forward. He kissed Jordan who gasped and responded. Hands were becoming tangled in hairs and Jordan was pushing John against the door, deepening the kiss. 

‘Did anyone tell you that you’re incredibly sexy when you’re angry?’ Jordan asked, pulling away for a moment. 

‘Shut up and kiss me’ John replied and kissed him again. He moaned as Jordan’s hands in his hair tugged a little. 

‘I want to...’ Jordan pulled away, for air. 

‘Anything. Jordan, just do it please’ John replied, their eyes locked. Jordan nodded and his hands were then fumbling with John’s trousers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it was time something happened! :) 
> 
> The song inspiration of the chapter was Every Breath You Take (reimagined) by Denmark + Winter.


	7. Nothing’s That Bad If It Feels Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there’s one instance of homophobic language in this and also there is reference to sexual things but nothing graphic. If I need to change the rating, let me know, I don’t know how they work! But I’m not confident to write full M rated stuff so that’s why I didn’t first want to use that rating. Also if swearing needs to be M rated let me know, just worried about it ha.

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Seven- Nothing’s That Bad If It Feels Good 

The way we love, is so unique.  
And when we touch, I'm shivering.  
And no one has to get it.  
Just you and me. 

—  
John slid down the cupboard door, in a massive exhale of breath. Jordan moved to sit next to him, with a massive thud as his back hit the door. There was silence as the two of them tried to process what had just happened. 

‘Tell me Kyle has never done that to you’ Jordan asked after a moment. 

’Don’t’. I feel guilty as it is’ John replied, still catching his breath. 

‘Are you okay? Was I?’ Jordan questioned and turned to him. 

‘I’m fine. And you were... I think I saw stars’ John told him, shaking his head. 

‘Was I that good? I’ll remember that’ 

‘ Just drive me even more crazy now aren’t you?’ John groaned, leaning his head back. 

‘Only going to be returning the favour’ Jordan mused with a small smile. 

Voices came from outside and they both sighed. They realised they could not stay hidden for much longer. 

‘We better go’ John said, unhappy with the reality. 

‘Yeah, let’s go, Stonesy’ Jordan replied, with a smirk, helping him to his feet by his hands. 

‘Call me that one more time, I’m gonna...’ 

‘You’re gonna do what to me?’ Jordan questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

‘You won’t be the only one returning the favour’ John replied, looking up and down. 

‘Oh, please don’t put the thought of you on your knees for me when we are about to face the world’ Jordan told him, shaking his head. Their hands were still clasped together. John’s attention then came to Jordan’s injured hand. He caressed it with the pad of his thumb. 

‘What did you do?’ John’s voice was quiet and concerned. 

‘Nothing, it doesn’t matter’ Jordan replied, shaking his head. 

‘Yes, it does, tell me’ John said. His eyes met Jordan’s who shook his head then chuckled softly ‘what could be so funny?’ 

‘Nothing, just you. You never fail to surprise me. People think they know you but they don’t know you at all’ Jordan replied, smiling a little. 

‘We should go’ John said after a moment, dropping their hands. Jordan nodded in agreement. 

‘I’ll go first’ Jordan replied, shallowing hard. John noticed a look in his eyes that he was not sure about. Scared? Nervous? Angry? He would be sure to ask him about it when they were next alone. 

Jordan, who was in front of John, moved him to the side. He went to grab the door handle but stopped. There were a million things he wanted to say but did not know to vocalise them. He sighed, looked at him but did not say a word. Jordan kissed John on the forehead. He then sniffed and quickly left. 

John rejoined the board room after five minutes sitting himself between Jordan and Ross. 

‘Stonesy! You better make yourself free tonight, I have plans for us’ Ross said, clapping his hands together excitedly. 

‘Oh do you?’ John asked, trying to switch back to the mode everyone was used to but was finding it difficult. 

‘Yes. It’s a surprise’ Ross replied, grinning. 

‘Oh great’ John said, rolling his eyes. 

‘Oi, stop it, it’s going to be great, it’s going to be Euros 2016 all over again’ Ross exclaimed ‘Lofus-Cheek!’ he stood up, rushing over. 

‘I’ll get out of it, don’t worry’ John said quietly to Jordan. 

‘Oh, I’m not worried. I know you will’ Jordan replied, crossing his arms. Normal Jordan was back and John was slightly jealous that it was easy for him. 

The day was miserable and slow. After what had gone down in the cleaning cupboard, both of them found it difficult to focus. Jordan was more aggressive than usual and barely said two words. John was so distracted, balls were flying past him meaning Jordan had to work more who had to stop himself from saying something because he did not want to cause a scene and he knew he would regret it later. 

Lunch came too late. Everyone was waiting for break. There was a buzz around camp about Jordan being on edge and John being lackadaisical. 

John sat next to Jordan who was sat at a corner table. Both did not say anything for a while. Awkward tension filled the air. 

‘Alright, I’m sorry. For whatever I’ve done’ John filled the air, attempting to squash the awkwardness. 

‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. Stop it’ Jordan replied, shaking his head. 

‘Well obviously I do. You left this morning so quickly. Did I do something wrong?’ John asked, quietly. 

‘No, you didn’t. Don’t talk about it here’ 

‘Please come to my room tonight’ 

‘Don’t you have plans with Barkley who wants to recreate Euros 2016? I mean what the fuck happened for him to be so excited?’ Jordan questioned, raising an eyebrow. Before John could reply, Ross sat opposite them. Jordan rolled his eyes. John tried to put a hand on Jordan’s leg under the table but he slapped it away. 

‘Right, Stonesy, you better be ready for tonight!’ Ross said, excitedly. 

‘I don’t think tonight’s a good idea. I need to-‘ 

‘No, you’re not getting out of this one. This is happening’ Ross replied, stressing out every single word. 

‘Can’t Jordan come too?’ John asked. Jordan stared him then shook his head. 

‘Erm, no, mate because you know...’ 

‘It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself’ Jordan cut over Ross, with a side glance to John. Ross nodded and returned his attention to John. 

‘I hope you’re ready for your world to blown again, in more ways than one’ Ross said, slapping John’s arm across the table, playfully. 

‘Don’t need your help in that department, do I Barks?’ John asked, raising an eyebrow. 

‘There he is! I was worried to gone soft on me there’ Ross replied, laughing. 

‘Never one to go soft me’ John said, leaning forward. 

‘Good boy! Hey, Picks, has Stonesy ever told you about Euro 2016?’ Ross asked, turning to Jordan. 

‘No, he hasn’t’ Jordan replied, uninterested. 

‘Probably best. I think he lost track of the number of birds he was shagging after the 10th one’ Ross laughed. John who was taking a drink, choked and coughed ‘bringing back memories for you there?’ 

‘Yeah, you could say that’ John replied, quietly. 

Jordan excused himself, not wanting to hear anymore. Ross rolled his eyes as he left. 

‘Fucking pansy’ Ross muttered under his breath. 

‘What was that?’ John asked, rounding on the other player.

‘That Pickford, such a fucking lavender. Hasn’t he been with the same lass for years and never took a dip anywhere else?’ Ross replied. John’s hand clenched under the table. 

‘I heard they broke up but either way, some people are different to us’ John said shrugging. 

‘Stonesy, you were with the same girl for years and you weren’t afraid to explore and be adventurous. You only broke up because she was the one who decided to find someone else. I’ve been with the same girl for years but she knows that, sometimes, I need to get it else where’ bile rose in John’s stomach as Ross spoke. He wanted to walk away but somehow could not find the courage too. 

The last of the day went fast, to John’s joy. He tried to avoid Ross but found it difficult. Jordan was avoiding eye contact with John who could not blame him. It was not until John was going in for a tackle against Ross when Jordan came out of nowhere and sent Ross flying. 

‘I had it, Jordan, you didn’t need to do that’ John said quietly and then sighed. 

‘I know you did but he’s still a dickhead who needs to be knocked on his arse’ Jordan whispered back at him. 

‘If I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you were jealous’ John replied, with a small smile. 

‘Jealous of who? Ross Barkley? Nah, mate. He’s not your type’ Jordan said, chuckling softly ‘he couldn’t make you come like I did earlier’ 

‘Not here! I’m getting...’ 

‘Stones! Pickford! Now is not the time for a mother’s meeting. Get on with training’ one of the coaches shouted over to the them. They both nodded and carried on with the training. 

Later on that evening, John was sat on the edge of the bed in his hotel room. He had just taken a shower. His phone in his hand, he sent two messages. 

To Ross: 

Sorry, not feeling up to it tonight. Maybe another time. 

To Jordan: 

I need to speak to you. I need you. I’m sorry. 

Five minutes later, there was a knock on his door. He jumped and ran to answer. It was Jordan. 

‘What the fuck have you got to be sorry for now?’ Jordan’s greeting was. John sighed and pulled him inside, quickly locking the door. 

‘Jordan, Jordan, Jordan’ John said, he hugged him, wrapping his arms around tightly. 

‘Urgh, you’re really going to kill me you are’ Jordan complained but he hugged back either way. 

‘I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done. If it was something I did, I’m sorry’ John said after a moment. 

‘I went down on you, not the other way around. So if anything was wrong, it’s on me, not you’ Jordan replied, pulling away from John with a small smile. 

‘No, you did nothing wrong, you were perfect’ John told him, taking his hand. 

‘Thanks, I appreciate it. That’s not something, I, erm usually do’ Jordan replied 

‘I’m oddly satisfied to hear that’ John smiled to him. 

Jordan squeezed his hand ‘can we not just stand here? It feels so formal’ 

John nodded, leaning him into the room. They both sat down on the bed. Jordan exhaled deeply, and laid back, with his arms out. 

‘What happens now?’ John asked, still sat on the edge of the bed. 

‘Come here’ Jordan replied, his arms wide. John paused for a moment but leaned back. Jordan wrapped an arm around him. 

John leaned into him ‘Why does this feel so normal?’ 

‘Maybe because it’s meant to be. So Stonesy, tell me about these 10 plus girls in France?’ 

‘Why do you say that like it’s an insult. When it’s me and you properly, you just call me John’ 

‘Because you are. Just John. You hide behind this exterior to look all tough and that but it’s a facade’ 

‘Those are big words for you’ John said, with a small laugh. 

‘Don’t change the subject. Smarter than I look or act me but you know all about that don’t you?’ Jordan asked, tightening an arm around him. 

‘You’re right. It was my Dads nickname and when people started calling me, I just went with it. I wanted to be like my Dad so much. Then it just turned into this fuck boy thing and then again, I went with it’ 

‘Do you want to know a secret, Stonesy?’ John nodded, looking up at Jordan who then continued ‘just John is fine. He’s more than fine. He’s amazing’ 

There was so much John wanted to say but he could not out of fear that he ruin things. Instead, he leaned up to Jordan and kissed him. He could feel him smile against him. John then pulled himself across Jordan so he was on top of him. He pulled off his own T-shirt followed by Jordan’s. 

‘Where are we going with this?’ Jordan asked, looking up at him and raised an eyebrow. 

‘I don’t know. But I don’t want it to end’ 

‘Me neither’ and they kissed again. It was become quick and desperate when suddenly the door sprang open. They looked at each other, confused. John jumped off Jordan. 

‘Stonesy! John Stones? I have a gift for you!’ Ross’s loud voice came calling through. 

‘What the fuck?’ John whispered. Jordan jumped up also and quickly hid under the bed. 

‘Ross, what the fuck are you doing? How did you get in?’ John asked, quickly. 

‘Got a spare key. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re a premier league footballer’ Ross replied, coming into the room, with a huge grin on his face. 

‘Seriously, get the fuck out. You can’t just come into someone’s room without knocking!’ 

‘God, when did you turn into such a girl?’ Ross groaned, rolling his eyes ‘besides I have a gift for you’ 

John narrowed his eyes and Ross temporary left the room. A few seconds later, he returned with a girl. She was dressed in an extremely short, red dress. Her black curly hair flowed down her body. 

‘This is Nadia’ 

‘And?’ John asked, swallowing hard. 

‘It looks like you haven’t had it in a while, Stonesy. And it’s affecting your game so as your friend, I want to help’ Ross replied, smiling. 

‘So you broke into my room and brought me a prostitute instead? For fucks sake, we aren’t 20 years old anymore. That stuff is old and dead’ John proclaimed, running a hand through his hair. 

‘What the fuck has happened to you? You’ve gone soft. You been hanging out with fucking Pickford for too long. He’s rubbing off on you’ Ross said, narrowing his eyes. 

John’s eyes flickered to under the bed. He tried to keep his cool ‘I grew up, Barks. You might wanna do the same. Get the fuck out. Both of you’ 

‘Or what are you going to do? What are you really going to do? Don’t think I don’t know about you and Kyle. The poor boy is crying about it to anyone who will listen. The last thing you’d want anyone to know, especially your family, is that you’re bent’ Ross said, walking towards John, arms crossed. 

‘And who is going to tell them? You? Fuck off because I don’t think you want your girlfriend of nearly ten years to know you have three kids by three different mums when she’s struggling to conceive herself’ John replied, pushing Ross away as he got in his face. 

‘You’ve crossed a line, Stones. Watch your back’ Ross said, through gritted teeth. He walked away, pulled Nadia with him.

‘The key, leave it’ John said. Ross stared at him but dropped the key on floor and left with him. 

After a moment, Jordan reappeared from under the bed. 

‘Jesus Christ, you really are sexy when you’re angry’ Jordan said to him in awe. He rushed forward, kissing him aggressively. John responded with the same amount of pressure and groaned as he felt himself being pushed against the wall. 

Jordan pulled away from a moment ‘Ross Barkley is wrong about you’ 

‘In what way?’ 

‘In so many ways but for starters, you’re definitely not soft’ Jordan replied, his hand below John’s waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song inspiration for this chapter was Bad Things by Camila Cabello and Machine Gun Kelly


	8. I’m hanging on a moment with you

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Eight- I’m hanging on a moment with you. 

It's hot to feel the rush. To brush the dangerous. I'm gonna run right to, to the edge with you. 

—  
‘What are you thinking about?’ Jordan asked John. They were laid in bed. They had not gone all the way but they had gone far enough for them to be tired and in bliss. John was laid across Jordan’s chest. He was deep in thought which caused silence, resulting in Jordan’s question. 

‘How this all escalated very quickly’ John replied, after a moment. 

‘It did... your fault’ Jordan told him, with a chuckle. 

John looked up to him ‘how the fuck is my fault? Didn’t hold a gun to your head’ 

‘No, but might as well have’ Jordan said, shaking his head. 

‘Oh. didn’t realise. I’m sorry’ Jordan shot him a look ‘why can’t I apologise when I need to’ 

‘Because you don’t need to. You have nothing to be sorry for because I can’t explain it either. It’s just kinda always been there’ 

‘What do you mean?’ John asked, resting his chin on his hand which was on Jordan’s chest. 

‘Oh no, it’s not that easy. Unlike like some people, I prefer to be a mystery’ Jordan replied, with a small smile. 

‘And I gotta be the open book? Great’ John said, rolling his eyes. 

‘Well I thought you were but clearly not... John, erm, what did Ross mean before?’ Jordan went quiet, not sure where to place himself but he hoped that John could tell him the truth. 

‘About my family?’ Jordan nodded. John exhaled deeply, not sure how to reply. 

‘It’s complicated’ 

‘It’s okay. We got time. If you want to talk about it’ Jordan replied, gently playing with John’s hair. 

‘No it’s not that I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just hard to’ John sighed, sitting up. Jordan looked at him with concern but did not make any movement towards him. He could tell John was pained thinking about it. He eventually leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips. 

‘Tell me another time, when you’re ready. I won’t push it’ Jordan told him, with a small smile. 

‘Thank you’ John said, softly. Jordan laid back down and John followed suit ‘Jordan, what are we?’ 

‘I don’t know, what are we? I mean, I gotta face your boyf-‘ Jordan was stopped in his tracks by John playfully hitting him. 

‘Kyle is not my boyfriend’ 

‘I wasn’t talking about Kyle. I was talking about Ross’ Jordan smirked and John narrowed his eyes. 

‘Idiot. I understand we can’t be normal but if you want...’ 

‘Fuck off, are you asking me out, Stonesy?’ Jordan laughed, pretending to be shocked. 

‘Shut up and stop calling me that. Creating a moment here and it’s already difficult without you making it worse’ 

‘Yes’ 

‘Haven’t even asked you yet’ John sighed, rolling his eyes. 

‘Making it less difficult and saying yes. Like you said we can’t be normal but that’s fine. Whatever we are, we will be. Just in secret. I’ll be your dirty little secret’ Jordan smirked. John was thinking of a witty reply but before it came to him, he received a text message. He leaned across to his night stand and reached for his phone. It was Kyle. 

Meet me in the pool room in ten minutes? I want to talk. 

‘It’s Kyle and he wants to talk’ John told Jordan. 

‘Oh do you?’ Jordan replied. John sat up again and ran his hands through his hair. 

‘I miss my best friend, Jordan’ he admitted. He looked down and bit his lip. 

‘Hey!’ Jordan placed a hand under his chin and titled it so he was eye level with him ‘go. It’s fine. I’ll be in my room’ 

John nodded and jumped off the bed to get changed. Jordan decided to do the same. John was dressed and about to leave when Jordan stopped him. 

‘Hey John? Make sure your ex boyfriend doesn’t steal you away. Your current boyfriend would be very jealous and hurt’ 

John stared at him for a moment. His mouth open like a fish. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ Jordan questioned, chuckling. 

‘You just called yourself my boyfriend’ John replied, with a small smile. 

‘I did. Now hurry up. The sooner you go to Kyle, the sooner you can get back to me’ Jordan told him. He leaned forward and kissed him. John deepened the kiss, moving closer to Jordan. 

‘Keep that up, you’re not leaving this room ever again’ Jordan said quietly, pulling away. John smiled at him widely. He kissed him again ‘I’ll go first’ 

‘You did that this morning. Why?’ John questioned, placing his hand in Jordan’s. 

‘I erm, doesn’t matter, just hurry up’ Jordan replied, quickly. He was about to say something else but stopped himself. He left quickly. John starred after him, concluding he had so many questions that needed answers but at that moment, he needed to make things right with Kyle. 

John walked into the pool room, full of dread and worry. Kyle was already there, setting up the pool table. He looked up as John walked in, giving him a small smile. 

‘Hey, mate’ Kyle said, softly. 

‘Hey, you’ John replied, walking closer to him. 

‘Here’ Kyle held out a pool cue and 

John took it ‘how’s your head?’ 

‘Sore. I drank way too much but I’ll survive’ 

They flipped a coin to see who would go first. Kyle won. They begun to play, like they always did but it was a tense atmosphere. 

‘Kyle, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done what I did. I shouldn’t have led you on. My head wasn’t in the right place and it was shit of me to use you like that’ John said after a moment, standing still, leaning on the cue. 

Kyle stopped taking his move and looked up ‘you hurt me but I’ll get over it’ 

‘Do you, erm, like me like that?’ John questioned, fearing the answer. 

‘I think the more important question is are you into men like that? Because if you are, I can sort of understand. If you’re not, then I’m confused’ Kyle replied, softly. 

‘Don’t know but I’m working through things. I... yeah just working through it’ John stopped himself from telling Kyle everything. 

‘Is there anyone?’ Kyle said. He sounded nervous. John was not sure how to reply. 

‘Just working things through. I don’t know what’s going to happen’ John repeated, his heart racing. He wanted more than nothing to tell someone about how he was feeling and was had happened between him and Jordan. He did not want to hide the happiness he felt but he knew he had to for the time being. 

Kyle did not press the subject. They continued to play pool. They spoke small talk and making jokes but John could not escape the feeling that Kyle knew something. He concluded he was being paranoid. They finished their game and John put the cue down. 

‘Another game?’ Kyle asked, hopeful. 

‘I’m gonna call it a night. Thanks for this, needed it’ John replied, conscious of the time. 

Kyle nodded ‘are we okay?’ 

‘Of course, Walks, if you can forgive me for being a prat then yes’ 

‘Don’t sweat it. You’re fine’ Kyle said, smiling. He leaned forward and gave him a hug. John returned it, sighing. 

‘You’re my best friend. That trumps anything’ Kyle told him. John nodded against him. 

‘I should go. Thanks Kyle, I will see you tomorrow’ John pulled away from him, with a small smile and quickly left. Kyle watched him as he did, a heavy debate on his mind. He decided to follow him. 

John had to stop himself from running to Jordan’s room. He felt bad for leaving Kyle as soon as he did but he missed Jordan. It was like a stomach ache that would not go away. He could not explain it yet and he was not ready to. He did not know what he would do once international break was over. He was unaware Kyle was following him. 

Kyle watched as John knocked on Jordan’s door frantically. A few seconds later, Jordan had pulled John into his room. 

‘No fucking way’ Kyle whispered, in shock. 

John had felt himself being pulled in Jordan’s room. He did not have chance to say anything because Jordan’s mouth was on his and his back was against the wall. 

‘I’ve missed you’ John softly said, with a smile. 

‘John, it’s been half an hour’ Jordan replied, between placing kisses along his neck. 

‘Says the guy who is pinning me against the wall, kissing me with a inch of his life’ John laughed before groaning as Jordan hit a soft spot on his neck. 

‘That is what I thought. Come on, let me show you how much I’ve missed you’ John smiled as Jordan took his hand and guided him into the bedroom.

The next morning, John woke up in bliss. It did not take him long to realise he had fallen asleep in Jordan’s room and if they were caught, they would be in so much trouble. He was woken by light streaming into the room. He sat up. Jordan was still asleep, looking like a peaceful baby. He went to get up when an arm from Jordan stopped him. 

‘Don’t even think about it’ he didn’t open his eyes. 

‘We got to return to the normal world now’ John replied, sighing. 

‘No, no, I refuse to’ 

‘I will see at training’ 

Jordan opened his eyes and then narrowed them ‘training? Where I can’t touch you or kiss you? Nah, I definitely refuse to’ 

John blushed a little which made Jordan smile. He leaned up and kissed him. 

‘If it’s any consolation, it will be torture for me too’ John said after a moment. 

‘Oh it better be’ Jordan leaned backwards ‘I want my girl arse to be on your mind all day’ 

John chuckled and leaned down to kiss him again ‘oh, Pickford, you have no idea’ 

‘Go. Before I kidnap you forever and City will lose their best defender and lose every single cup’ Jordan replied, playfully pushing John away. 

Training was not much better from yesterday. Kyle was walking on eggshells around John which he did not understand. He thought everything was okay. Ross kept shooting daggers at him which John returned because he was not going to allow Ross Barkley of all people ruin how happy he was. Then he started to make training difficult. 

‘Stop it. You are all broody and angry and that does things to me’ Jordan muttered to John when they were close enough to each other. 

‘No... Barkley is really starting to become a pain in my arse’ John replied, through gritted teeth. 

‘No I mean it, you get a little line that appears on your head and it’s super adorable and hot at the same time’ Jordan told him, resisting the urge to touch it. 

‘Don’t you start. Last thing I need to add to being pissed off is being pissed off and horny’ John whispered before moving away. He saw Ross was about to get the ball and went running towards him, jumping high for ball but he misjudged the header. He went smack straight into Ross, knocking him out instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me for that cliffhanger, an idea popped into my head whilst I was falling asleep last night and I wanna write it now. 
> 
> The song inspiration for this chapter was The Edge Of The Glory by Lady Gaga.


	9. We’ll Play Hide and Seek.

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Nine- We’ll Play Hide And Seek... 

Give me love like never before  
'Cause lately I've been craving more  
And it's been a while but I still feel the same.

—  
It all happened too quickly for Jordan. Instant panic washed over him like someone had poured ice cold water down his back. He swallowed and then he was running forward towards Ross. Kyle ran towards Jordan, holding him back. 

‘Not my fault! He came out of nowhere!’ Ross proclaimed, in shock. 

‘Bullshit. You planned it, you fucking dickhead’ Jordan spat at him. A few of the players looked at him in confusion. 

‘Right, this isn’t going to help anyone. Everyone step back’ Harry Kane said, pushing them all to the side before crouching down to John, who was out of cold. 

‘Is he alright?’ Jordan asked, his tone changing. He was trying not to show his concern but he could also notice Kyle holding onto him tightly, his gaze shifting from Jordan to John back to Jordan. 

‘I don’t know, we just need to give him some space’ Harry replied. Medic staff came rushing over and started trying to access the situation. 

‘That’s gotta be a minute already, is there any blood or anything?’ Jordan then asked, pulling himself free from Kyle’s grip. 

‘Jesus Christ, Pickford, what do you think I did to him?’ Ross hissed at him, narrowing his eyes. 

‘Well he’s out cold, so fuck knows’ Jordan replied, crossing his arms ‘seriously, why isn’t he coming around yet? Has he broken his neck?’ 

‘Jordan, go inside, you’re not helping anyone right now with a million and one questions’ Harry turned to him, shaking his head. 

‘I’m not going anywhere’ Jordan said. Harry sighed and decided not to press it. He was confused, like the the rest of the team. 

They watched as the medical staff tried to bring John around. It took another minute for him to begin to stir slowly and softly groaned. 

Jordan had never felt so relieved in his life. He sighed and whispered ‘thank fuck for that’ 

‘What happened?’ John said, softly. He tried to sit up but he stopped by the medical staff. 

‘You went flying into me, misjudge your tackle? Clearly those wages at City aren’t showing in your skills?’ Ross questioned, a hint of disgust in his voice. Jordan begun to charge at him but Kyle held him back. 

‘For fuck sake, Walker, what is your problem?’ Jordan shot at him, pushing him away. 

‘You’re making people suspicious, stop it’ Kyle whispered to him, shaking his head. 

‘What the bloody hell you talking about?’ Jordan questioned, quietly. 

‘You know what I’m talking about’ Kyle said before walking away. Jordan stared after him then looked at John who was now being help to his feet. The medical staff were helping him inside. John glanced at Jordan and gave him a small, apologetic smile before looking away. 

Some time later, Jordan was outside the medical room that John was in. He was pacing up and down. Kyle was sat down. They were both quiet. 

‘You know, you’ve making it really obvious. People are going to start asking questions’ Kyle suddenly said. Jordan stopped pacing and stared at him. 

‘What the fuck are you going on about?’ he asked, narrowing his eyes. 

‘You know what I’m talking about’ Kyle repeated the same words he said earlier. Before Jordan could reply, a member of staff came out the room. 

He turned to them ‘how is he? Is it he going to be okay?’ 

‘He is fine. Just a minor concussion. He just needs to rest now’ the member of staff told them before walking away. 

‘I’ll go first... then I’ll go and give you two some time’ Kyle said and before Jordan could argue, Kyle had gone inside the room. 

John was in one of the beds, trying to look at his phone but was struggling to. He tried to move his phone further away. 

‘That isn’t resting you know’ Kyle told him, shaking his head. 

‘And you’re not the boss of me, you know’ John replied, his attention not moving from his phone. 

‘What are you even wanting to do? Maybe I can help’ Kyle said, moving closer. 

‘It’s okay, I just need to text someone. It’s just a fucking pain it feels like someone has dropped a ton of bricks on my head’ John complained, sighing. 

‘Jordan?’ Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow. John turned to him, looking confused ‘he’s outside’ 

‘Kyle, I don’t kn-‘ 

‘I follow you last night and saw you go into his room. I’m sorry but I was worried about you and thought you were in trouble!’ Kyle exclaimed, as John’s face fell as he spoke. 

‘For fuck sakes, Kyle’ 

‘I know, I know but why him, John? What does he have what I don’t?’ Kyle sat down next to the bed. 

John shook his head ‘It’s not like that. It’s a case of he’s better than you, it’s... I love you, mate but I’m not in love with you. With him, it’s...’ 

“Oh there was me thinking it was just a sex thing” 

‘I spare you the details but it’s so much than that. He just gets me’ John said, with a small smile. 

‘Okay, your business is your business. Secret is safe with me’ Kyle replied. John nodded. They spoke for a while, about random things, football, the injury, how John was going to have to miss the England game. 

‘Don’t think I’m going home though! I’ll be there cheering all of you on’ John said, with a huge grin. 

‘Good. Look, I’ll go. Give you two some time’ Kyle replied, standing up. 

‘Cheers mate, I really appreciate everything’ John told him. Kyle nodded and he did not know how to say goodbye. He just gave him a small smile and quickly excused himself. 

Kyle walked outside and Jordan was leaned against the wall. As soon as he saw Kyle, he straightened up and walked closer. 

‘Thanks, Walks’ Jordan said to him. He was about to go past him when Kyle stopped him. 

‘Hurt him in any way, all of that teammate shit goes out of the window. I mean it, Pickford’ 

‘I know you do but I would never do anything’ Jordan reassured him 

‘Good as long as it stays that way’ Kyle then walked away. Jordan watched him go before walking into the room and closing the door. 

John looked up as he did, his eyes lighting up as he did. Jordan did not say anything for a moment. He was too consumed in the moment and relieved that John was okay. 

‘Are you just going to stand there, looking at me like I’m going to break or you gonna come over here?’ John questioned, raising an eyebrow. 

‘Shut up, you had me really worried’ Jordan replied but begun to walk closer. 

‘I was only out for 2 minutes, I’m fine’ John told him, sighing. 

‘2 minutes too long’ Jordan said, quietly and sat down next to the bed. 

‘I’m fine’ John repeated, softly. 

‘Good because you look like shit’ 

‘Jeez, thank you, glad to know what you think’ 

‘No, I lie, you don’t but I’m going to wrap you up in bubble wrap either way’ Jordan told him. 

‘I can take care myself, you don’t need to worry’ John replied, sighing. 

‘I always worry about you’ Jordan took his hand and turned to him ‘please don’t do that ever again’ 

‘I’ll try not too. I’m sorry I made you worry’ 

‘Don’t apolo-, doesn’t matter, it’s okay. Move up, let me determine wherever or not you’re fine’ Jordan told him. John nodded, moving up so he could sit next to him. He leaned forward as Jordan put an arm around him. John then settled his head on Jordan’s chest. 

‘Someone could walk in at any moment’ John said after a moment, sleepily. 

‘I don’t care. Go to sleep. You need rest’ Jordan replied. He begun to play with John’s hair softly. They laid in silence for a few minutes. 

‘John?’ Jordan said after a while. He didn’t get a reply. He quickly felt for John’s pulse on his wrist. He was relieved when he felt it and John had just fallen asleep on him. 

Jordan shook his head furiously ‘What have you done to me, Stones? Fucking hell, I don’t what I’d do if anything happened to you. I love you’ his arm tightened around John as he slept. He

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter will the last one, but I am already thinking there could be a sequel. 
> 
> The song inspiration for this chapter is Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran


	10. When you’re not next to me, I’m incomplete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter enjoy!

Delicate  
Is it cool that I said all that?  
Is it chill that you're in my head?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate   
Is it cool that I said all that  
Is it too soon to do this yet?  
'Cause I know that it's delicate... 

Chapter Ten - When you’re not next to me, I’m incomplete. 

Cause I’m on fire like a thousand suns  
I couldn’t put it out even if I wanted to. 

— 

Despite the knock the head and the concussion, John felt the most relaxed he had been in weeks, in fact. Being knocked out for two minutes did something to him though. He knew upon contact, he was not going to die, he knew he would wake up but something weighed on his mind, in case, he did, that he never said. 

He nearly said it when he was talking to Kyle. When he asking why not him but he could not bring himself to say it. Because he was afraid. He wanted to say it when Jordan could not get his words out over how worried he was but he was scared. 

There was something about the way Jordan held him. It was different and not what he was used it but he liked it. He did not feel like he had to pretend with him. He could see right though him and more importantly: Jordan got him. 

John was drifting into sleep. He heard Jordan say his name but he was too content to reply. He wanted to stay in the position he was in forever. He ignored him. He felt Jordan’s fingertips on his wrist and wanted to laugh, roll his eyes but again, he did not say something because for the first time in his life, he felt like he was worth something and there was something about the look in Jordan’s eyes. John had joked that he was looking at him like he was going to break but he secretly loved it. He was worth it. 

Jordan’s voice then broke his thoughts ‘What have you done to me, Stones? Fucking hell, I don’t what I’d do if anything happened to you. I love you’ 

—   
It was a cheap way of saying I love you Jordan concluded as he tightened his arm around a sleeping John. He needed to say it, even if it was just the once. Anything could be about to happen but that was the only thing that was obvious to him. 

He was not sure how long he had felt it. It had kind of crept up on him. He just had the overwhelming need to protect John and be there for him. He had no idea that it would get as bad as it had. 

Jordan heard movement outside and sighed. He had to go and it killed him. He slowly begun to move, slowly moving his arm from around John. He managed to get it over his head and was about to go when John grabbed his arm. 

‘No. Don’t go’ he said, half asleep. 

‘I have to go. I’ll come back in the morning’ Jordan replied, sighing, kissed John on the forehead and then got up to leave. 

‘Jordan?’ 

‘Yes?’ 

‘I love you too’ Jordan smiled. John had heard him. 

‘You were supposed to be asleep like you are now’ Jordan replied. He could not contain how happy he was. 

‘Get me out here. I just want to be with you’ John said, opening his eyes and found Jordan’s. 

‘No, you gotta stay here but I’ll come back in the morning. I promise’ Jordan told him, walking forward to him. He engulfed John in a big hug and sighed in content. 

‘Please stay, I need you’ John whispered, pulling him down to the bed. 

‘Must I be the mature one?’ Jordan groaned, pulling himself back up ‘The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner it will be morning’ 

‘Okay, fine’ John pouted. 

Jordan laughed and kissed him ‘I love you’ 

‘I know, you said’ 

‘I’ll say it again if you want?’ Jordan raised an eyebrow. The door begun to open and one of the medical staff walked in. Jordan quickly excused him, cursing the staff in his head. 

At around 4am, there was a knock on Jordan’s hotel room door. He woke up with a start, confused. He only had his boxers on. He looked around and quickly put a T-shirt on whilst checking the time. Once he got the door, he opened it and was surprised to see John. 

‘You’re supposed to be resting’ Jordan said to him, crossing his arms. 

‘Well, I couldn’t so I’m here’ John replied, walking in whilst smirking. 

‘That knock to the head has done wonders to you. It’s 4am, you do realise that?’ Jordan told him, shaking his head whilst he closed the door. 

‘I know. The Uber fare was ridiculous’ John rolled his eyes, moving closer to Jordan and pulled at the hem of his t’shirt. 

‘You’re suffering from concussion. You can’t be here’ Jordan replied, trying to pull himself away but could not. Mainly because John would not allow him to but also because deep down, he did not want to. 

‘Look, I’m fine, I’m totally fi-‘ John stopped in his tracks, holding his head. 

‘See. For fucks sake, what am I going to do with you?’ Jordan complained, putting an arm around John and guiding him the bed to sit down. 

‘Why is it I always get fucking concussion in March on international break?’ John questioned, groaning. 

‘Come on, lie down’ Jordan said, pushing him down. 

‘As long as you hold me, you somehow make everything better’ John replied, holding out his hand. 

‘I’ve turned you into a clingy mess’ Jordan said, rolling his eyes. 

‘And I’ve turned you into a soft, loveable mess’ John replied, with a smile. 

‘Call me soft one more time, I’ll show you how opposite I am’ Jordan replied, sitting down onto the bed before laying down with John who quickly laid across him. 

‘That’s better. This is all I needed’ John sighed with content. They laid silence for a moment when John sat up suddenly. 

‘Jordan?’ 

‘John?’ 

‘What was Kyle talking when he was drunk? About me drunk? What did I do?’ John asked, sounding a little worried. 

Jordan laughed and John stared at him ‘I call that the moment’ 

‘The moment?’ 

‘Well, the definite moment anyways’ 

‘I don’t follow?’ John said, confused. 

‘Do you remember the celebrations of the Columbia game?’ Jordan asked, raising an eyebrow. 

‘After three shots of absinthe, no?’ 

‘It was 4 and half shots actually’ 

‘Shit, what did I do?’ John questioned, growing concerned. 

‘You kissed me’ Jordan said, with a smile. 

‘Huh? I did what?’ John replied, gobsmacked. 

‘Yep. Luckily it just looked like you were being over friendly because then you kissed Kyle, Maguire and Eric’ 

‘I did what?’ John repeated, in shock. 

‘It was like a 3 second thing, don’t worry, you were celebrating. We were all drunk out of our faces but I’ll let you into a secret’ 

‘Go on’ 

‘It was the best three seconds of my life at that point’ Jordan told him, smiling down to him. John looked up at him, beaming. He leaned up and kissed him. Jordan groaned and deepened the kiss. John positioned himself over Jordan, straddling him. 

‘John’ Jordan pulled away, shaking his head and chuckled softly ‘you have concussion, love’ 

‘Just creating a better three second memory for you’ John replied, smirking. 

‘Oh, you have created so many in over the past few days alone’ Jordan told him, leaning up to kiss him, his hands finding themselves tangled in John’s hair. He pulled him down closer. 

‘Jordan’ John pulled away, with a smile ‘I have a concussion’ 

—   
Match day came. John was gutted he could not play but the doctor had ruled him out of action for a week. He was meant to return to Manchester for future tests but decided to stay for the game first. 

It was raining, pouring down and John thought to himself it did not help as Jordan looked so hot in it. He tried to dismiss that thought to focus on the game but it was difficult. 

Within the first five minutes, Marcus Rashford had scored the opening goal and gave England the lead. At the seventeenth minute, Jordan did such a last minute it made John’s insides dance. At the thirty third minute, Jesse Lingard made it 2-0. A few minutes later, Jordan did another epic save and John hated he was not on the pitch. The game ended on 3-1. John could not be happier to start the Euro campaign on a high. 

He ran down to the pitch where he was met by Kyle, giving him a huge hug. 

‘Well done, mate, you played amazing’ John told him, with a huge smile. 

‘See my assist for Jesse? I need to meme that later’ Kyle replied. John noted Kyle was like his old self but he also did not know if was just from the high of the game. John rolled his eyes and walked away. He saw Jesse and gave him a high five and hug. He then saw Jordan. He had to fight the urge to run up to him. He walked slowly to him, trying to be as obvious as he thought he was being. 

‘Hey, you’ Jordan said, softly. They were close to each other now so it would be okay for appearances for a hug so John wasted no time. Jordan chuckled quietly. 

‘You were amazing and you looked so fit. I need you’ John whispered, nuzzling his head into Jordan’s neck on impulse. 

‘We’re are in public and you’re gonna make me hard. That’s not fair’ Jordan replied, sighed. John pulled away, not because he wanted to but because he had to. 

‘Tonight. You’ve been such a good patient this week and you need rewarding for that’ Jordan muttered to him ‘Tripps! Come here!’ 

John looked after him, trying to contain himself. 

‘You’re so gay’ a voice said behind him. He turned and saw Ross. 

‘And what if I was? What are you going to do about it?’ John questioned, crossing his arms. 

‘Be careful, Stones’ 

‘Maybe it’s you that should be careful, Barkley’ John then walked away. 

—   
John was sat on the edge of his bed, waiting for Jordan. He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock on the door. He shot up, running to the door. 

He dragged Jordan inside, attacking him with kisses once he had closed the door. 

‘I heard you with Barkley’ Jordan told him, holding John’s face as he did. 

‘Oh yeah?’ 

‘Yes. It was so incredibly hot. Good to the influence I’m having over you’ 

‘It’s not the only thing of yours I want over me’ John told him, with a sly smile. 

Some time later, they were laid in bed, breathless. John was laid opposite to Jordan, in silence. 

‘What are you think about?’ Jordan asked, after a moment. 

‘I shouldn’t say. You’d accuse me of being a clingy mess again’ John replied, shaking his head. 

Jordan grabbed John’s leg with a smirk ‘tell me’ 

‘No. I’m going to be the mysterious type from now on’ 

‘Nah, I prefer it when you’re vocal, very vocal. I could just torture it out of you’ Jordan told him, with a wide smile. John swallowed loudly. 

‘I wouldn’t complain’ Jordan sighed and shook his head. He climbed over to John, with a smirk. He begun to kiss his chest and worked his way to neck. All John could do was softly groan. 

‘Tell me’ Jordan asked, kissing John’s jaw. 

‘No, mysterious type me’ John groaned as Jordan’s hand begun to travel down his his body. John gasped as Jordan’s hand found itself in his pants. 

‘Not fair, Jordan’ 

‘Tell me’ 

‘I love you’ John said, with a smile. 

‘I love you too’ Jordan replied, before kissing him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :)   
> I am hoping to have oneshots/sequels added to the series in the future 
> 
> The song inspiration for the chapter is Hunger by Ross Copperman.


End file.
